Having an unfulfilled desire of your heart, especially for such a long time can be a challenging and heart wrenching experience.  These kinds of experiences can affect us mentally and emotionally when the desire we have is one that is godly. Wanting to have a child is certainly a godly desire and it can be frustrating and confusing to try to understand why God would not allow such a blessing.

There are times, even when we have a desire that is something we could use to bless God with, that God’s answer is “wait” and other times it is “no”.  This can be very difficult for us to understand, but this is because we cannot see our lives as a big picture like God does.

As a dedicated Christian, part of our journey in following Jesus is about focusing on what God wants for us.  At times this may be in conflict with what we want for ourselves and this, of course, is where the real challenge of our walk comes in. God’s will is always the best way and part of our development is learning to trust Him, even if we aren’t sure where He is leading us and even if we might not choose the path He is leading us down. God wants the absolute best for us and when you can focus on and remember that it can help to manage your feelings about not receiving the thing you want most in the world.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

We may not always understand where God is leading us, but the scriptures assure us that He will take care of us.

The question of course is, how do you manage your feelings and disappointment? Even if God’s answer is “wait”, putting your life on hold is stressful and untenable in the long term. We know our God is a God of miracles, but we also know that sometimes He has a different path that we might plan out and even when we accept that, we might still feel sad. Not being given the thing you want most can be heartbreaking, especially if you see others around you receiving something you want. First, you must guard your heart so that you do not become bitter and jealous, as this is something that can slowly and sneakily creep into your thoughts.  These thoughts are from Satan and you must remove them from your mind immediately.

Secondly, it is ok to feel sad for a time. You may experience the full grieving process of the death of an unfulfilled desire. You may even feel angry with God. During all of these emotions and steps in the grieving process, it’s important to continue to pray and to tell God what you are feeling. It is also important to find a circle of support of people that you trust to help you, even if it’s just one other person. As time goes on, it is important to focus on the blessings of your life and the opportunities ahead of you instead of the things that might not be.

Your experience may be a help to others who are going through similar pains and losses and someday in the future you may be able to help others. While we cannot always understand the purposes of God in our own lives sometimes, this is an opportunity to trust God even if it is not what you would choose for yourself. The development of our faith and trust in God is one of the most important purposes of our life and although this is a hard way to learn this, you will be stronger for it in the end.

Romans 8:28 says,

“And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”

No matter what path God is leading you down, know that God is working out everything for your best welfare.

For more on how to deal with grief and infertility listen to, “How Do You Find Your Way Through Grief?”

To understand why God does/doesn’t answer our prayers listen to, “Why Aren’t My Prayers Being Answered?”

To guard yourself from jealousy listen to, “Am I a Jealous Christian?”

You can also access our full resource page on grief itself: https://christianquestions.com/grief/