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February 14, 2022

Ep.1216: What Do I Say When I Talk to My Spouse?

The value, process and attitude of marriage-preserving communication

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CHAPTERS

[00:13:37]
How should we actually communicate with our spouse?


[00:30:48]
How can I put my spouse first in order to build a strong marriage?


[00:44:19]
What if we get to a point where we don't want to listen and feel like quitting?


Theme Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:14

When it comes to understanding your marriage relationship, there may not be a more revealing question to ask than, “What do I say when I talk to my spouse?” We make a life-altering decision to marry, and the passion behind it is clear and solid. We see it as a "forever" passion. Time passes and this passionate decision can become a commonplace part of life, one we don’t give much thought to. Then kind of like putting on your most comfortable pair of shoes or sitting in your favorite chair, your marriage becomes just another element of life you absentmindedly rely on to provide you comfort. As you talk to your spouse, your words perhaps subtly at first begin to reflect reaffirming your own comfort instead of being interested in their experience. So sad and too often, so true!

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Think about this!

We communicate with our spouses through our words, actions, innuendo - and what we choose to focus on as important. These communications reveal the condition of OUR OWN HEARTS. Just by looking at these simple things, how would we say we’re doing with our spousal dialogue? Consider that somewhere around half of all marriages end in divorce and countless others are unhappy.

With all of this in mind, it is evident that strong and healthy spousal communication is the exception and not the rule.

Why is this the case? Living in the age of technology, the short (and I might add depressing) answer is this. There is too much else that we allow to demand our attention. We are so busy with working, challenges, social media, kids, friends, personal interests, politics, causes and distractions that we lose sight of our spouse. Because there is so much to see, hear and respond to we spend far less time, energy and emotional investment on the most important person in our lives. Why? Because they are an assumed part of our life that can easily be handled on autopilot. When we do finally try and communicate, it is often done to express dissatisfaction or anger. Now that is a lose-lose approach!

Check out our February 14, 2022 podcast, “What Do I Say When I Talk to My Spouse?” for more. We look at several scriptural principles and examples to give us a solid foundation from which to communicate. Two kinds of love can drive healthy relationships, so we talk about how to keep them in focus. We delve into the “why" and “how” of our conversations and where they so easily get sidetracked. We examine the most important thing that needs to be conveyed to our spouse. Here’s a hint:  It is NOT telling them how we feel or why we might be mad. THE most important thing has little to do with us at all. A happy relationship is fundamentally dependent on strong communication. Join us and gather some of the tools necessary to build that foundation!

 

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